Explosions from one's being

Not that kind, ya'll. Scroll down to win a free t-shirt.

(For “explosions” I am talking about self-esteem fueled expressions of joy. I give credit to the #blackjoy movement for doing this radically. It was actually a convo in a shed yesterday that prompted this post.)

There is a secret I’ve kept from the world for a dozen years. I discovered my spiritual practice on a rooftop in Brooklyn under the tutelage of two white lesbians. They were the first married lesbians I’d ever met and they were founding their own nonprofit together and prompted me to join the Park Slope Food Coop. Anyways, yes I’m a walking stereotype of the rural kid moving to the big city and becoming an insufferable YUPpie.

So my spiritual practice involves consulting a deck of cards with animal faces on them and then reading the message associated out of a book by Jamie Sams and David Carson. Please don’t sacrifice me to the cringelords, I am aware this is a rip-off of Indigenous spirituality when I do it. I am grateful for the messages to be translated to a digestible form for my settler capitalist upbringing. Am I wrong for fully and whole-heartedly believing in the cards and the messages? DM me with your thoughts.

Here’s the thrust of this story. I spent yesterday in a very comfy tiny home on the side of the road with two remarkable land stewards. They run the boat-wash station on the Duck Valley Reservation. They protect their lakes from invasive zebra and golden mussels through outreach to passing boaters and hot-washing infected vehicles. Their shifts are 14 hours long. They were gracious enough to allow me to sit with them for 5 of those hours, talk to some of the boaters passing about Mormon crickets, and to listen to them spit the best life advice I’ve ever received.

We discussed that we heard the animals are leaving Yellowstone right now. Bears and elk are unseasonably migrating away and rapidly, unprecedentedly, people say. Probably this means the super volcano is going to blow. I believe it will blow, and it’s not a matter of if but when. Since I tested God at my Lutheran elementary school by demanding he disappear the Easter Egg in my desk and He didn’t do it, I decided something firmly about my own faith. For me, it doesn’t undermine the message if something doesn’t come true when prophesied or willed. It matters that it one day whatever it was seems to come to pass, even if only in my mind. I have absolutely no idea where that Easter Egg is now. Thanks, God.

The lake stewards, who I won’t name but this area of the world is one big small town so anyone near here will likely know them, talked generously about their spirituality. I babbled about mine as well. I didn’t talk explicitly about my affinity for the animal cards, but after five hours, when I stood up to leave, one of my new friends stopped me and said she needed to tell me two more stories. She said she was driving her sun back home the other evening and they saw a moose. A moose! In these parts! she exclaimed. She told me very seriously that it was a sign of big changes to come.

(Moose in Northern Nevada is definitely a sign. Moose range map from here.)

Instead of writing in my journal about what the moose is telling me, I’m sharing it here, on my brand-new self-conscious Substack. This is what the message about moose reads…

Moose: “Self-Esteem”

“Moose is found in the North of the medicine wheel, as is Buffalo. North represents the place of wisdom. Self-esteem is the medicine of Moose because it represents the power of recognizing that wisdom has been used in a situation and that recognition or a pat on the back is deserved.

Moose is the largest member of the deer family and has great strength. The call of the male Moose is an awesome thing to hear on a musky spring night. His pride in his maleness and his desire to share his seed with a Moose cow are displays of his sense of self-esteem. The bellow of a male Moose can be viewed as a positive force, since it represents his willingness to “tell the world” about his feelings.

This “tell the world” trait contains a joyfulness which only comes with a sense of accomplishment. There is no greater joy than a job well done. This trait is therefore not a seeking of approval, but rather an enjoyment of sharing because of the spontaneous explosion of joy that comes from the deepest part of one’s being.

The wisdom woven throughout this scenario is that creation constantly brings for the new ideas and further creation. Moose is telling us that joy should be shouted with pride. The wisdom in doing this shouting is that the joy is “catching.” In a sense, the bellowing is a way for all of us to lighten up and give ourselves or each other a “well done!”

Moose medicine people have the ability to know when to use the gentleness of Deer and when to activate the stampede of Buffalo. They understand the balance between giving orders to get things done and having a willingness to do things themselves. The wisdom of Moose medicine is akin to the Grandfather Warrior who has long since put away his war paint and is now advising the young bucks to cool their blood.

Moose medicine is often found in elders who have walked the Good Red Road and have seen many things in their Earth Walk. Their joy lies in being the teachers of the children, and in being the first ones to give encouragement. This is not to say that Moose medicine people do not use their wisdom to warn as well as to give praise, because they do. Moose medicine people know what to say, when to say it, and to whom.

The elders are honored in tribal law for their gifts of wisdom, for their teaching abilities, and for the calmness they impart in Council. If you are wise beyond your years and have the gift of Moose medicine, use this gift to encourage others to learn and grow. There are man facets to the wisdom of Moose medicine.

If you have chosen the Moose card, you have reason to feel good about something you have accomplished on your journey. This may be a habit you have broken, a completion of some sort, an insight on a goal, or a new sense of self that you have fought hard to earn. It is a time of feeling harmonious pride, and of recognizing those who aided you in the process.

One good exercise in Moose medicine is to write down things that you can love about yourself and your progress in life. Then apply these same things to friends, family, coworkers, and life. Don’t forget to share the findings with others. They need the encouragement as much as you do.”*

~by Jamie Sams and David Carson

I rejoice because Moose is a good omen for me. Perhaps the omen rings differently for others, but the lake stewards told me it’s ok for me to have a different interpretation. Mormon cricket stuff is doing. It’s doing. It’s doing it for me! Moose means a lot to me. When I was a baby, I would sleep with my hands above my head and my dad called it my “Moose” position.

Tell me I was a cute baby or what.

I’m actually deeply in love with my “job” for the first time right now. I need to get busy building my “brand,” as Terry, the local leather worker explained to me.

I must be loyal to “the brand.” Usually this means to Terry the rancher that employs you or the company that pays you. However, he said that given my circumstance…funded by federal grant money and accountable to my peers and intellectual and immediate community… he said I am my own brand. I’m going to make t-shirts.

Above is my attempt in Canva with accurate-ish years of peak Mormon cricket outbreaks in Nevada. In table form below:

Would welcome any input to improve the accuracy of the above Mormon cricket outbreak table.

This is ChatGPT’s version of a t-shirt. It is hallucinating. It’s not a “Biannual Bash.”

If you like this post, I will enter you into a drawing to win whatever “Cricket Drifter” t-shirt I produce. Moodboard here.